Accepting Difference
As I’m sure many of you have seen in the media and on
social media, April was Autism Awareness Month. It’s not just a month of
plugging awareness but also educating others and opening discussions. I myself
was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome in 1995 so thought I’d write a small
piece on being ‘autistic’ and having faith.
In a short and simple definition, Autism is a
neurological difference meaning people perceive the world differently. This can
involve senses and communication (in- and outgoing). It’s a spectrum so no one
person is the same as another and can go from ‘mild’ to ‘severe’. Autism is also
a hidden disability: you cannot tell someone is autistic by sight alone. This
can cause a plethora of difficulties and prejudgement from supposed friends,
family members and the further community who do not understand or accept the
way you perceive the world.
Having a faith and being autistic is another
conundrum: those who are autistic can often be seen as lacking in empathy and
unable to converse and maintain friendships (which I add is completely untrue.
Empathy is often shown in many different ways and not always the way you
expect. Not all autistic people are non-verbal and not all communication is
verbal. Many have social circles including a relationship and/or friendships).
However a relationship with God is different to a friendship or relationship.
It is not draining, anxiety is much less of an issue and God does not cause me
to overload from ‘too much information’, including sensory or other information.
I often refer to this feeling as being ‘overcooked’ but the word ‘moment’ and
meltdown’ are also commonly used in this instance. God is different and greater
than humans. He is also the only one who really understands and is always
there.
Also God loves us how we are. Jesus hung around with Judea’s
undesirables in the eyes of a first century Jewish state. I never used to love
myself and always wanted to be ‘normal’. It is frustrating and draining when
you can only see what you can’t do. Things that you see your peers do with ease
while you just cannot cope like parties, meeting up at the weekend and music concerts.
Through Jesus I have learnt all the things I can do and things I never thought
I’d be able to do, I have done or will be doing. I studied French and German at
university; studying in France and working in Germany (not without difficulty I
add!) I met friends throughout Europe through a summer school I attended and
have travelled to Austria, Slovakia, Sweden, Switzerland, Czech Republic, the
Netherlands, Poland, France and Germany. I now hope to study MA Autism Studies
and become a student disability advisor. I am now also one of the volunteer
youth workers at Youth Group and drop-in.
Coming to church for me can be difficult. I find
church sometimes too busy with the noise, chatter, people and lack of space for
me to escape to. I find this so frustrating as I want to go and want to grow. I
now often wear earplugs and headphones to help cancel out volume and certain
frequencies as it causes me pain. I sometimes feel this is not fair as I
usually can micro manage input and church is one of the few places I need to
physically block out noise. It makes me feel not included. But I remember there
are people who need to wear noise-cancelling headphones more frequently than I
do due to sensory sensitivity and Jesus loves me regardless if I wear noise-cancelling
headphones or not.
Many autistic people do have faith: 1 in every 100
people identify as on the autistic spectrum therefore in every church
congregation and community there is bound to be someone who identifies as autistic,
diagnosed or undiagnosed. In spite of this I do not let Autism define me. I am
Krysia and am and have so much more to me than one label. I do not consider
myself to have a disability as I believe this limits me and a good knowledge of
myself means I know my own personal limits. However I do come across barriers
to inclusion, feel frustrated that such barriers exist and feel disappointed
when unfairly judged (Autism is like your gender, it is just part of you not
supplementary).
I’ll end with a saying commonly shared in the autistic
community: ‘when you have met one person with Autism, you have met one person
with Autism’.
Krysia (krysiawally)
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