Living in the shadow

I have lived with depression now for what seems an age.  It can be mighty weird at times.  Some days I think I am doing OK, only to find that those around me tell me I am having an off day, other days I feel lousy and people come up to me and say "you are looking very well!"

What is weirder is the effect it has physically.  I am a physiotherapist, and tended to work on the assumption of looking for a musculoskeletal cause for pain.  I currently live with migratory pain on a daily basis, which I am 99% certain is secondary to the depression.  Again, weirdly, the pain can be worse when I feel better mentally and vice versa.  There doesn't seem to be a pattern at all, which of course is why it is not musculoskeletal in origin.

There are things I can do, and things that just seem to undo me.  Coping with conflict is the hardest at the moment, I suspect that is something I share with the other 1:4 of the population.  I am relieved that with 2 Billion other sufferers I am not alone.  Looking at those figures, Mental Health problems are almost if not more prevalent that TB which affects a 1/4 of the world's population, at least when I last checked.

The one certainty I do have is that God is with me in this.  Being depressed itself is not a reflection on my faith or lack of it.  It simply is.  It may well be part of life in all it's fullness for all I know.  However, while it is not pleasant, and the world seems to have difficulty in coping with Mental Health issues, God is quite happy to be associated with me, and is always present.

When this desert changes to an oasis, I know this, that God and his angels will still be there with me, wherever and whatever I am doing

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